I was awakened by my phone a little after three o'clock and received a message. It seems that I will meet someone I haven't seen in a long time and have been wanting to see. Suddenly, my brain cells became excited and I couldn't go back to sleep.
The situation I dislike the most is when I don't need to understand you and you don't need to understand me. Our relationship is secure and stable, so stable that it can be maintained without the need to know much about each other. To me, this kind of relationship feels empty because deep down, I believe that curiosity is a form of respect. Respect for the possibilities in others and for the unknown.
Feng Baobao and I have a very healthy relationship. We understand each other and are curious about the reasons behind even the slightest changes in each other. This curiosity has led us to understand each other's thoughts and emotions, and even the logic behind the changes. It's a progressive process. So we are not the kind of friends who can be satisfied with "it doesn't matter even if we don't contact each other for a long time, we still remain the same when we meet." Conversations with Feng Baobao bring me a lot of comfort. I have become accustomed to having someone like her, who is like a mirror, growing together with me. In front of her, I try to be as real as possible because only by not hiding can many doubts be resolved. In the past decade, friends have come and gone, but I never expected that she would be the one to stay the longest. When we first met, neither of us could have imagined such a development because we seemed so different from each other, so we didn't pay much attention to each other.
When it comes to blood relations, I may only realize that I didn't cherish them enough when I lose them. But with Feng Baobao, I cherish our friendship every day. Compared to many people, I am indeed ruthless in this aspect. The bonds, needs, responsibilities, and attachments within a family are more important than truly understanding each other. Perhaps we are familiar with each other's temperaments without realizing that we don't truly know the person behind them. The terrifying thing hidden behind this is that if the other person's personal pursuits hinder your needs for them, it's better not to understand. After all, ignorance is not a crime. Keeping a distance and preserving power. So in family relationships, many times people cannot respect each other in the face of their own needs. At such times, it is especially important to protect one's own inner self. Because we all feel confused by the harm caused by the closest people to us, and even deduce from it, questioning the meaning of all relationships, and then questioning ourselves.
Home, country, they have similarities. After experiencing the relaxation of being in a foreign country or city, it is difficult for me to face this sense of oppression again. My family, even if they say they don't want it, deep down they still want the best. Prepared words will be spoken at important moments, while inner desires flow unintentionally in daily life.
This is already good enough, most people would say. They don't understand. When things are a mess, you are trapped and think that the world is just like this. As things gradually improve, to the point where they appear clean and sacred on the surface, the vulnerabilities in the internal structure become apparent. What contentment and happiness, why can't we be unhappy?